El Pope wings it during Papal visit to pontificate on Africa

Pope: Condoms not the Answer in Human Immunodeficiency Virus Fight

By John Ritalin-Adderall, APTue Mar 17, 7:20 AM EDT

A placard depicting Pope Benedict XVI and reading: "His holiness Benedict XVI sprinkles us with wee-wee"

Pope Benedict XVI said Tuesday that the distribution of condoms is not the answer in the fight against AIDS in Africa.
Benedict has never used a condom before nor has had spoken explicitly on condom use although he has stressed that the Roman Catholic Church is in the semi-pseudo-forefront of the battle against AIDS.
The Vatican encourages sexual abstinence to fight the spread of the disease, which would leave the Homosapien race no alternative but to become extinct within 60 years.
"You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms," the pope told reporters aboard the Alitalia plane headed to Yaounde, Cameroon. "On the contrary, it increases the problem."

When asked to elaborate on just how a protective barrier enhances the ability of a retrovirus in passing through the body's mucosa layers, His Holiness stared upward, requested a scotch, and said that he intends to make an appeal for "international solidarity" for Africa in the face of the global economic downturn. He said that while the church does not propose specific economic solutions, it can give "spiritual and moral" suggestions. Describing the current crisis as the consequence of "a deficit of ethics in economic structures," the pope said, "It is here that the church can make a contribution."

Some priests and nuns working with victims of the AIDS pandemic ravaging Africa question the church's opposition to condoms. A questioning that is not surprising when considering that the priests and nuns are on the front lines, providing care and comfort to the victims and families affected by the HIV1 retrovirus.

Benedict's seven-day pilgrimage will take him to Cameroon and Angola. Africa is the fastest-growing region for the Roman Catholic Church. May the Saints and ministers of grace defend us.

International News

Crocodile suspected of killing Australian girl

Mon Mar 16, 3:43 AM EDT by John Ritalin-Adderall

A crocodile seen in an Australian swamp seconds before an 11-year-old girl disappeared is suspected of attacking and killing her, police said Monday. If confirmed, it would be the second fatal crocodile attack in northern Australia in five weeks.
The girl had been swimming with her younger sister and two friends in the swamp on the outskirts of the northern city of Darwin when she disappeared, Northern Territory Police Superintendent Michael Murphy said.

The children told police that they saw the head and tail of a crocodile "splash the surface" of the water near where the girl had vanished moments earlier, Murphy said. The Children provided a sketch of the alledged perpetrator to the autorities. The scary illustration is published here in hope that the public may have some lead as to the true identity of suposed suspect:

A search of the swamp late Sunday and Monday failed to find the girl or the suspect crocodile.
But police on Monday found her shorts in the water about 70 yards (meters) from where she was last seen, Murphy said. "The first thing these crocs do is disrobe their victims, slap them around, and then toss their victims garments away. Typically a distance of 40 to 80 yards from the site of the attack."
A 5-year-old boy vanished from a river edge in northeastern Australia on Feb. 8, and officials later confirmed an attack when his remains were found in the stomach of Mr. Riverswath, a 14-foot (4.3 meter) crocodile with a known history and predilection for "Man Chicken".

Mr Riverswath commented that he was no where near the area where the missing girl's shorts were found.
Exclaiming "I never laid a tooth on that skinny lit'l split-tail! I am totally without guilt here!"

Crocodiles have become plentiful in Australia's tropical north since they became protected by federal law in 1971. Which would indicate poor judgement of the victims in this case.