Left to Right Heath Ledger & Roy Scheider
John Ritalin-Adderall, World News
John Ritalin-Adderall, World News
Sun Feb 10, 10:25 PM EST
With Heath Ledger being first domino followed by Roy Scheider, it quickly became evident that rehab alone was passe in coolness. Fade to Black Monday was heralded in as Movie Stars, Musicians and Socialites everywhere spontaneously expired. "It's HOT" said Paris Hilton as she crumpled to the floor in a fashionable Dolce and Gabanna three piece ensemble DEAD AS A NIT.
The writers guild picket lines disbanded with a group hug, sigh, and fuck it as they made their way back to their humble apartment rooms and computers wondering how the hell they were going to make a living with no one to perform their material.
The same scenario was heard from Europe, Eurasia and as far east as China as the entire cast of "Green Tea and Dirty Laundry" simultaneously beheaded themselves by riding bicycles into taught outdoor laundry lines. In the UK, Amy Winehouse began her swan song "They say I should go to Morguehouse" before collapsing to the Stage with a hairball thud. Funeral homes and hospitals were overwhelmed with calls of dead performers leading to a crisis of what to do with all the bodies.
When this reporter called the number listed for Britney Spears, no one other than a message sounding like a groan and a loud crash was heard.. none of the messages left were returned. In Manhattan, the high rise apartment building where Liza Minnelli formerly resided listed her 24th floor apartment available with only a damp, chalky outline of where the much maligned icon fell to her...death.
Please stay glued to your TV set for further developments... because we know you people have not a life.
With Heath Ledger being first domino followed by Roy Scheider, it quickly became evident that rehab alone was passe in coolness. Fade to Black Monday was heralded in as Movie Stars, Musicians and Socialites everywhere spontaneously expired. "It's HOT" said Paris Hilton as she crumpled to the floor in a fashionable Dolce and Gabanna three piece ensemble DEAD AS A NIT.
The writers guild picket lines disbanded with a group hug, sigh, and fuck it as they made their way back to their humble apartment rooms and computers wondering how the hell they were going to make a living with no one to perform their material.
The same scenario was heard from Europe, Eurasia and as far east as China as the entire cast of "Green Tea and Dirty Laundry" simultaneously beheaded themselves by riding bicycles into taught outdoor laundry lines. In the UK, Amy Winehouse began her swan song "They say I should go to Morguehouse" before collapsing to the Stage with a hairball thud. Funeral homes and hospitals were overwhelmed with calls of dead performers leading to a crisis of what to do with all the bodies.
When this reporter called the number listed for Britney Spears, no one other than a message sounding like a groan and a loud crash was heard.. none of the messages left were returned. In Manhattan, the high rise apartment building where Liza Minnelli formerly resided listed her 24th floor apartment available with only a damp, chalky outline of where the much maligned icon fell to her...death.
Please stay glued to your TV set for further developments... because we know you people have not a life.
