Palterious & Pernicious,The Philodoxal Penelope Pontificates

I LOVE this character. Kristen Wiig Is brilliant!

Feeding Your Disorder: A "How To" Guide

100s of thousands of people each year ask themselves if they suffer from mental illness in the United States. Many of these people are truly affected by real symptoms while a remaining few are left only wishful of harboring debilitating ailment.

It is this minority of you "Healthy" people that I offer hope, so that you many enjoy the liberating freedom that only Insanity may grant.

Here in the celebrated world of enlightenment, we have created the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders." This guidebook is designed to give you a creative lattice to flesh out your desired level of dysfunction.

The concepts of Anxiety, Depression, Mania, Obsession, Compulsion, either projected or imposed, along with specified conditions, and range of response, grant us latitude for full blown psychosis.

Let me offer you a hypothetical event.

Assume that you have experienced a hardship. This unforeseen event has profoundly affected your cognitive reasoning producing emotions that manifest as anger, fear, and uncertainty. This uncertainty has opened paths for possible outcomes which cause beleaguering concern. You are now experiencing anxiety. Your sympathetic nervous system goes on ALERT and responds by constricting blood vessels, elevating heart rate, dilating pupils, and increasing respiration as you reason and weigh probability and outcome of this event. Now that you have explored the world of imaginary speculation. WHAT NOW?

Heaven forbid that you should be caught unprepared. Since none of these corollary events has actually happened, let us dive head-first into our smorgasbord! A variable delicacy of excuses, pharmacology, and blissful states of impetuosity, the likes of which you haven't known since childhood!

List out hypochondria and dysthymic tendencies including: Paranoia, Major Depression, Mania, Hallucinations, Co morbid substance abuse.... Options which can be altered and transversed in a convenient explosion of behavioral chaos!

Control your insurance disability checks into lump sum settlements, Create lists for litigation, detail circumstance of causation and liability that will keep your lawyers scrambling!!

You are a SENSITIVE person! When was anybody granted anything for their stability?

There are cameras watching our every move, chemicals added to the water, the food, the government is busily devising conspiracies, and the world is being mislead to comply, consume, multiply, and die.

Is religion your bag? The mere hint of an inalienable right is enough to validate your affliction. You do not even NEED to be religious! Just pick one... or several religions for that matter.. No need for a conscience when you're certifiable. Morality is only fuel to feed your runaway hand basket.

GET YOUR COPY AND GUIDE TO AN EXCITING AND DISSOCIATED REALITY TODAY!